by Rachel Wallis Andreasson, Dr. Stacy Feiner, Jack Harris, and Dr. Kathy Overbeke
Civility: The Resolve to Care About One Another
The aftermath of the 2024 election poses a risk that the deep polarization that already divides us will get worse, leaving many clinging to ideologies that fracture relationships and push distrust as though it were the goal. Those on the losing side may feel abandoned, fearful, and hopeless, while the winners could revel in an inflated sense of power through a feeling of triumph, treating other voters as defeated enemies. The very fabric of our social environment will feel torn, and the temptation to let it unravel may seem inevitable. Yet equally powerful—perhaps even more so—is the quiet resolve to care for what remains. We have within us the capacity to tighten these seams and compassionately restore our collective life.
The challenge ahead is clear: how do we repair our fractured environment and reconnect with our shared humanity? If our division is left unaddressed, if we neglect our relational conflicts, dominance and selfishness will continue to devolve the public discourse, isolating us from one another and eroding any hope for a common future. But there is a way forward—a path shaped not by competition or conquest, but by civility grounded in the ethic of care. Civility is so undervalued it is often confused with politeness; however, it is a powerful belief system that involves a deliberate choice to reject isolation and embrace connection, a conscious effort to prioritize relationships over dominance.
Civility, however, does not emerge by accident. It requires the right conditions to exist and thrive. This is where the power of Mutuality, Ingenuity, Justness, and Intrinsic Motivation becomes essential. These principles act as a corrective to selfishness and create the necessary space for collaboration and trust. When practiced together, Mutuality fosters emotional reciprocity, Ingenuity generates creative solutions, Justness ensures fairness, and Intrinsic Motivation aligns personal goals with the collective good. These four principles reshape the environment, dismantling outdated power structures that thrive on dominance, and building meaningful, lasting connections in their place.
In this new landscape, civility becomes not just possible, but inevitable—a natural outgrowth of environments that value care over control and connection over competition. It invites us to move beyond divisive ideologies and commit to the common good, demonstrating that the power to repair lives within each of us, waiting to be shared.
Civility: The Collective Power of Connection Over Control
Civility is not merely the result of isolated virtuous acts; it is the product of a thoughtfully cultivated environment where Mutuality, Ingenuity, Justness, and Intrinsic Motivation coalesce to challenge a societal obsession with selfishness and instead foster deeper social connection. These principles have been scoffed at as feminine—as though feminine is an insult—when really, they are potent, transformative forces that disrupt the default to dominance-driven interactions, replacing them with meaningful connection. Civility is not a concession to politeness or superficial performance—it is the deliberate pursuit of shared understanding and collective progress.
At its essence, civility reflects the highest expression of our shared humanity. Civility has substance and flexibility, as compared to the fragility of rigid ideological boundaries, compelling us to see others not as opponents or obstacles but as essential collaborators in the pursuit of the common good. In a world sadly governed by zero-sum thinking, civility invites us to move beyond transactional relationships and toward a deeper Ethic of Care—a commitment to fostering environments where power is shared, trust is earned, and progress benefits all. It is not the absence of conflict but the presence of intentional connection that defines true civility.
Four Core Principles of Civility and a Healthy Society
1. Mutuality: Emotional Reciprocity That Builds Connection
Mutuality is two-way empathy which facilitates the natural and intentional exchange of care that strengthens relationships, and displaces self-interest that leads to emotional detachment. When individuals engage in Mutuality, they share meaningful, emotional experiences that protect against the risks of prolonged emotional detachment. As such, dialogue becomes a bridge—not to agreement, but to understanding. This principle lays the groundwork for relationships based on emotional reciprocity, where care is both offered and received.
2. Ingenuity: Innovation That Generates Growth
Ingenuity invites creative problem-solving that makes room for novel solutions that focus serving the interests of many, and disrupts the habit of defaulting to precedent and outdated ways of thinking that serve only a few. When we prioritize Ingenuity, we reject rigid power structures in favor of structures formed to meet collective needs. Ingenuity opens up new possibilities, fostering progress through innovation rather than control.
3. Justness: Guardrails of Trust and Fair Representation
Justness is an agreement that power is used to advocate for the needs of the whole, preventing the risk of power devolving into conflicts of interest and personal gain. In an environment shaped by dominance, justness becomes a rhetorical ideal that hides conflicts of interest, allowing justness to fall by the wayside. The trust needed for civility to thrive is a mechanisms that allows all voices to be heard and a transparent and consistent due process to uphold justness, and prevent power from devolving to personal gain.
4. Intrinsic Motivation: Goodwill That Fosters Relationships
Self-interest drives division, but Intrinsic Motivation fuels cooperation. It encourages individuals to go beyond their narrow interests to achieve mutually beneficial outcomes. This principle creates the connective tissue between individuals and the whole, ensuring that everyone benefits equally from relationships. Intrinsic Motivation fosters a sense of purpose, making collaboration rewarding for all involved. It is the connective tissue between the needs of the whole and those of the individual.
The Path Forward: The Work That Rebuilds Us
The 2024 election will leave us with winners and losers, but a deeper truth will emerge—we will all stand on fractured ground. For months, we’ve been treating one another not as fellow citizens but as threats to democracy itself. Post-election will reveal a new reality, not about who is president, but who we are as a nation. Regardless of the outcome, the divide proves our process is broken, and the results just the evidence. The divide will not magically heal—those who win may feel emboldened, while those who lose may feel abandoned and betrayed. Yet, we are still one nation, and what happens next will define whether we stay that way.
This moment demands more than settling scores or retreating into ideological camps—it demands reconciliation. Civility offers not a passive hope but a deliberate practice of restoration. Through Mutuality, Ingenuity, Justness, and Intrinsic Motivation, we have the tools to rebuild trust and connection, even when distrust and resentment feel justified. These principles challenge us to move beyond dominance and fear, fostering spaces where care, fairness, and creativity take root.
Civility does not mean we will ignore our differences—it will be about facing them, exploring them, with a commitment to the common good. It shifts the focus from victory to repair, from control to cooperation. Reconciliation begins when we refuse to let political identities consume our shared humanity and instead work together toward something larger than any election outcome. The work ahead won’t be easy, but it is essential. We are not bound by triumph or betrayal—we are bound by the future we choose to build.
In the short term, civility offers a bridge across the divides that threaten to separate us. In the long term, it becomes the highest standard of our shared humanity. Together, we can rebuild a society where connection replaces dominance, where fairness and goodwill guide our actions, and where civility lays the foundation for progress, unity, and healing.