There is a growing recognition among millennials and Gen Z that gender roles are more fluid, with many men embracing nurturing activities as parents and caregivers. This marks a meaningful shift from the conventional role of “father,” which comprised the three Ps – Protection, Provision, and Procreation. It often included a fourth P – Punishment – as in “wait until your dad gets home…” Crucially, it did not foreground nurturing or the critical and more fulsome P – Parenting. That was often left for mom.
In response to this outdated framework, The Sixth Level reconceptualizes masculinity as more inclusive and empathetic, celebrating dads who are “gentle men,” able to communicate and listen deeply—men who foster relationships with their families, friends, and co-workers that prioritize care and support, as Partners.
This evolution is evident across generations. We are seeing a younger generation of men who are more attentive parents than their own fathers were, and a growing number of them are stay-at-home dads. At the same time, we also see older fathers, now grandfathers, who are more connected and more expressive with their children and grandchildren. The global movement Equimundo teaches boys and men how to care, teaching them to be more effective care givers and fathers, “promoting nurturing, non-violent, equitable masculinity…” (www.equimundo.org/). They present a masculinity that is more inclusive and empathetic. These fathers and grandfathers are challenging conventions and are drivers of social change. While they may face resistance from other men who have yet to question traditional norms, their emotional strength provides both grounding and empathy. It allows them to stand firm in their choices while understanding the hesitation of those who haven’t yet taken that courageous step.
In her study of boys, Niobe Ways concludes that boys have a crisis of connection. She reports that “Rather than privileging the self-sufficient and autonomous elements, boys (and girls) suggest that we should emphasize the relational components of maturity—especially given our current crisis of connection . . . Being self-sufficient and independent are, of course, valuable parts of being mature, but we are hurting ourselves, as the boys suggest, when we focus almost exclusively on those elements of maturity . . . we should see boys’ and girls’ social and emotional skills and their ability to have mutually supportive relationships as a significant part of the meaning of maturity itself. (Way, Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection, 2013, p232)
To revisit the question Freud posed—“What do women want?”— we might now offer a new response. When men are truly Partners, a modern version of P, and embrace and value expanded roles in family life, gender equity will be one result. Along with it comes an improved emotional life for men, both at home and at work. That is illustrated in the book as The Radial of Gender Equity*—the outcomes of mutual recognition and empathy with those we love and those with whom we live and work (*The Sixth Level. 2023, p58). Beyond participation in and responsibilities for the household, as a parent fathers will find that their care is reciprocal, that they are included more robustly in the lives, and the emotional landscape of their partner and their children, and that love is shown by deep respect and affection.
Happy Father’s Day! Let’s celebrate the amazing dads and granddads who are redefining masculinity and making the world a better place!